The Past

For several days now I have been frantically trying to reconnect with someone from my past, my first "real" love. I moved a lot in my teen years due to my Dad's job and I was not too happy about it. I ended up going to 3 high schools and that really upset me. When I was told we had to move AGAIN from Appleton, Wisconsin to Memphis, TN in my Junior year, I was a very miserable teen to live with. I persecuted my Parents for like15 yrs, amazing isn't it. I have gotten over it now, LOL. I had this great community of friends and a wonderful boyfriend. We were "pre-engaged", he gave me a ring with a little sand chip of a diamond, but it sure was special. Then my Parents so delicately had to break the news of the next move. Of course I was not moving. Ultimately, I did as they bribed me with anything I wanted in my room. They took my Bother and I on the house hunting trip, woo hoo! So another miserable move happened against my own free will. So my boyfriend and I stayed in touch, I hated Memphis and had zero friends. He came to visit me and I went up there and then he was so distraught that I was gone, he decided to join the service to pass the time while I was finishing high school. He came to visit on one of his leaves and presented a beautiful, wonderful large marquee cut diamond engagement ring. I was in shock and excited. I was very hesitant though that he was so far away from me, Japan, and I was not sure this long distance relationship would work. That has been one of my biggest flaws, I think way too much and over analyze every situation. One thing led to another and I broke it off. It was very difficult and we were both devastated. Well, all through these years I have always thought of him and at different times I have tried like mad to locate him. I am hoping to be able to talk to him and just maybe apologize for my youthful stupidity. It is so hard when you are 17 yrs old and everyone is telling you what to do and your heart does not really agree with any of them. I am not sure how I will find him or contact him, if I do. I have found a phone number and address that could possibly be his, but of course I am too scared to call as I don't want to disrupt his household. So I think about this day and night, I am obsessed with how to reach him. It makes me think of what my life would have been like if I would have stayed with him, as most of us do. I never like to regret the past because we aren't born with a "Life" manual that has a HELP center to contact when we just aren't sure of our decisions. It would be nice. I know that I have so much ahead of me and I just feel that if I could just talk to him again I might be able to move forward better.

Remember: Don't let the past get in the way of your future.