Thursday, December 30, 2010

Fresh Attitude

Hello Friends!
Well the time is here and has gone by very quickly since I last visited. I finally got a job in my field and am able to work from home and have been now for 3 mos. It has been a great opportunity for me and my boys since the passing of my Dad in July. I have been able to mourn and heal all in the comfort and privacy of my home. I am so grateful to my Mom who graciously helped me save my home from auction next week. She didn't know I needed the help and I didn't want to burden her with my issues during the loss of her 54 yr companion and one true love. 
So anyway, I am so looking forward to 2011 for all the great new possibilities that can help me change the direction I am going in. This year has been very rough, I did not realize that I had 6 jobs this year ! OMG I cannot believe that. I am looking to find some real friends and be able to go do fun things like I used to. It has been way too long.
This is short, but a start, I really miss blogging and interacting with everyone. I am going to try to push myself back into it. I used to write every other day and then LIFE happened once again. I am thankful that we are able to fall and then pick ourselves up again. Yes it is very hard sometimes, but I am going to stay strong and positive.
Take care everyone and Happy New Year's to you all!

Remember:  Thinking positive will bring positive results to your life!

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Family Loss

Do you really think you can get over losing a Parent? I am not sure myself. I am having a very difficult time with this. My Dad died July 3rd, 2010, 4 weeks ago today. It seems a lifetime ago while at the same time so surreal that I can't believe it yet. I don't live close like my Brother, but I was very close to my Dad. My Brother took care of him during this horrible journey. We all thought he would live as long as his Mother, 91, he didn't, he was 72. My Dad was a very healthy person. Turns out he had a brain tumor brewing, that was diagnosed officially in Feb. 2010. It happens to have been the same tumor that senator Ted Kennedy had and died from. It is a nasty thing and my Dad fought long and hard and the tumor won. It's just not fair at all. My Dad was so full of life, always had a positive impact on people and mentored many. I know he is in a better place and with his Mom and Brother, who died last July and My Grandma died July of 2006. Not sure what the "July" thing is all about, but it is kinda freaky. My Brother and cousin, both have birthdays in July and both their Dad's died a year apart. I still feel numb and was trying to make it there before his last breathe, but I didn't. I was in the air when he died. My Brother goes to visit him at the cemetery every morning and night, he said he can't help it and wished he lived further so he didn't do that, it makes him sad. I went once 3 days after he was buried and thought it would help, it really didn't. My Mom really thought she'd go first, her health is not very good at all. Not sure how to keep it going everyday. I felt so lucky to be my age and still have both of my Parents alive and now I am lost. My Dad is who I went to for all kinds of advice and knowledge about so many things. He just had to go and leave all of us to try to help ourselves better and make us stronger. I dont' want to be stronger, I truly get tired of being strong, I need someone to lean on now and then. As the weeks go by I am trying to figure it all out. I just never imagined this feeling. I don't know that time will heal my loss. I think no matter how long it's been, the pain is still there, just suppressed. I am glad that both my boys still live with me for company. I really need to find some things to do besides work. I am so happy to finally have gotten another job again. My Dad was very happy when I got this great job, I just wish like hell that I could have seen him alive one more time. I guess it was not meant for me to.
Take care everyone and don't hold grudges or get mad easily or be too hard on your kids or loved ones, you just never know what will happen from day to day.

Remember: Don't ever forget your memories, they will get you through.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Who's your rock???

Today is Father's Day. I hope all the Dad's out there had a very unique day and that everyone out there was able to reminisce, visit or talk to their Dad's. I am thankful that I still have my Dad here. I talked to him this morning and he is so excited that the boys and I will be there in 2 weeks. It will not be our usual 4th of July spectacular, but all great things fizzle out sooner or later. He said he can't wait till I get there so I can make him some of my world famous macaroni salad with black olives and chunks of sharp cheese, it brought tears to my eyes. We will at least be able to go out on the boat and see other lake spectacular fireworks and enjoy them. I am back to work again, YEAH, I hope for awhile, but for now it is a steady, regular paycheck. Now I am working towards making things in my life more regular. I have struggled for so long, I feel as if I have become immune to the feeling. I am very grateful for managing to save my home from foreclosure. I feel as if I have climbed Mt Everest! Oh what a feeling! I have only had myself to be my own "rock" and that is tough most times. I would love nothing more than to have someone in my life to share life with again. It's nice sometimes to be able to talk about life stresses and ups and downs with someone else. As I have said previously, I am a very strong person and sometimes I get tired of being strong. I need to find a "rock" for me. As I learn to relax more and do some things for me, taking one day at a time, I know I will find everything and more that I am looking for and need. I do have such a sense of freedom now and pray it will continue. Still working on getting myself out there more is also a chore. I miss the days in my past when I had friends and neighbors come over and we'd cook out, kids would play together, we'd have cocktails, good food and great company. These days that seems harder to find, well in my neighborhood. So I am on a mission to finds some new friends to do just that. Until next time......all have a great week!

Remember: Our inner strength is more than one can imagine, use it.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Escaping Anxiety

WOW if life isn't tough enough on it's own, the huge oil catastrophe, the NY car bomber and so on and we thought that being unemployed, having no money, health issues, were about as bad as we can get. Not sure why these terrible people continue to want to hurt Americans, the terrorism thing has always been a huge stress event in my household because it is such a scary thing to deal with. It's hard to explain to your kids the same thing and also reassure them that all will be ok. My family not only is dealing with all the world issues as well as me being unemployed again and now, my Dad having a brain tumor, which really hits way too close to home. I have been very fortunate to have not experienced these types of family situations until now. Of course my Parents are in their 70's and I guess this is to be expected. I have many friends whose Parents did not make it this long, so I feel quite blessed. My Brother is handling the brunt of the care with them as my Mom is not that well either, early stages of emphysema and I do not live close to them, I am about 800 miles from them and now having no job makes me feel quite inadequate, like I am not really able to help out. I keep my chin up and try to forge on and pray that I will get a job so that I can get to see my family again during this terribly painful event that has been thrown upon us. Trying to remain stress free and upbeat is difficult. Anxiety runs through my veins and does not allow me adequate rest, while looking for work and going to interviews, it is amazing how I force myself to get up each day to face the same set of circumstances and praying for positive results all the way around.

Remember:  Anxious times make for long days

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Reaching out for HELP !!!!

Hello Everyone - It has been a rough past 30 days since I wrote my last post and I am still without work! My previous employer is fighting me on paying unemployment so we are really "drowning" here and I feel so much anxiety that I don't sleep at night. I have even reached out to my Church and have not been successful in getting any response from them, hmmm...I might need to find a better Church family, I thought that is really who you could count on, apparently not. I also ran across some "celeb" news, that Stephen Baldwin, actor and "born again christian", who is in such bad financial crisis has a website, setup by his Church followers to help raise money to "save" him, WHAT.....??? Give me a break !!!! He has so many more resources than any of us regular, hardworking, people do and they expect "us" to give money to his cause when we don't even have enough for ourselves!!!
So with that said I would like to see if there are any of you out there that plan to give money to Stephen Baldwin's cause, if you would give those few dollars to me and my family instead. I have always known that "we" are a giving species and I have given and given for many, many years, and will continue to, to people in need just like I am now and I would like to think that there are people like me that would help me out in my crisis. If you feel generous enough to send me money to help me try to keep my house, my utilities on and gas in my car, I would be forever grateful. I have gotten as much money from my Parents as possible as my Dad has just undergone brain surgery 2 weeks ago today, to remove part of a tumor, called Glioma, and there is still another smaller part to this that he has to find out what the next course of action is going to be next week, so between their help and his massive medical bills now, I cannot expect them to be able to help me anymore and I know my Dad is very worried, which is not good for his brain and I feel bad that I cannot be there to help, anyway, my point is that I am doing everything I can, I have even applied for food stamps, hey, I am not too proud to admit when I am down and need some help. I have always been the "strong" one and I guess now it is my turn to learn to lean on others.
IF you can and would like to help me and my family, please email me for information on how to do that, ANY amount will help and I want to Thank You all now. You will not be forgotten! Email to:

Remember: It is better to GIVE than RECEIVE, when you give you will receive *** just don't GIVE to the "famous actor" who lives better than all of us :)

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Time for a change

Hello everyone ! Once again I am without a job, oh my. So I have been taking this time to rediscover myself and really try to make any one of my entrepreneurial adventures work. I've also discovered that people today are more into hurting you than helping you and it should not be like this. If anything we should be more of a "helping" people because I am sure that we all need some kind of help in one way or another. I am actually very glad not to be working in an office, corporate setting anymore, my stress level is way down and the freedom to roam at anytime of the day or night is the best feeling. I just gotta find a way to earn enough money to live on. Times are still tough and going to continue for awhile, so I must persevere and continue to look for the "open" doors that are out there for me, maybe I need some "special" glasses to see them LOL. Ok this is short and sweet and I am gonna try to come back here more often like the "good ole" days !

Remember: The time to change is now, just like the seasons