Idol Time

WOW it has been 14 mos. since I last wrote. I have faced huge life altering challenges since I last wrote. I was trying to move on since my Dad had passed and my family continued to have struggles with each other. Then in May 2011 my Mom called me to come to her house in NW Arkansas to help her out for a few months. You see, she had fallen the week of Easter, nobody called me-nice, broker her hip and my brother wasn't caring for her very well, and why would he. So off I went, just like that. I gave up a great job opportunity in the industry I despised and wished I could get out of. Once I got my Mom's I told her that she could not stay in that house by herself and take care of herself along with everything else. So I gave her 5 options, one of which was to move to Georgia and live with me and my boys, and surprisingly so she chose to move. So I spent the next 3 mos. selling, packing, preparing the AR home for her departure and preparing my home for her arrival, which included enclosing my garage to be her apartment, it turned out nice. So 4 mos. later we arrive in GA along with all the stuff from my Parents house that I couldn't decide what to do with, I still have a lot of it here working at it a week at a time. Anyway, another new routine took shape and then Oct. 26, 2001 my Mom passed away. I could not believe how everything played out. I was stunned, shocked and in a haze for months.I had to force myself to get through the holidays for my  boys and said that once the New Year came we would all make it a very good year. It has taken me a while to get through the dark side of my emotions. I am TODAY taking my Real Estate exam ! I am taking advantage of all the opportunities that have been presented to me through all this loss. It has been difficult and great all at the same time. I may not have my Parents to talk to anymore, but I know they are looking down on me and guiding me through each and everyday. For this I am grateful and thankful. I want to LIVE again and enjoy each day and have fun again. So I applaud myself for getting up and going to school and achieving such a great feat.You will see more of me and my posts going forward. So good to be back :)

Remember: You can't move forward while looking back

Negative Energy

Are you surrounded by negative people? I'm sure most of you have at least one that comes to mind. I sure do and I am about fed up with it too. All these "nay sayers" should live on their own island, maybe then they would be happy. When we engage with nagative attitudes it tends to change our outlook to more negative than positive. This is not a healthy way of living. I always make a point to waking up thankful that I did wake up, be happy for all the wonderful things I have in my life, although they may not be a lot to some, but to me they are a bounty. I have to remind myself of this too each day. Thinking positive is just a better way of looking at life and all the bumps that come along the way. Negativity does bring any good feelings to any situation. Positivity makes you feel better, therefore making you more productive in everything you do. We will always run up against roadblocks and will always find a way through them because thinking positive also opens up the pathway to a solution. A smile is absolutley positive and takes less muscles to use, while a frown, which breeds negative feelings also makes us feel cold and unchanged. Negative people spin their wheels whining and complaining about something when they could bring positive change to their dilemma.

Remember: Don't waste others time by breathing negative, smile because you can.

Share yourself

I am sort of at a cross roads in my life and not sure how to proceed. I have many great goals in mind for this fresh new year. My biggest block is that I do not have a significant other or any "real" friends locally that I can share with, ask for advice, bounce ideas off of or just talk to. Many days I feel trapped and somewhat depressed and eventually am able to help myself work through these uncomfortable feelings. As I want to be a coach to many on various topics, it would be nice if I had my own coach to help me through all these tough issues.  I have a hard time with this, but I still forge on because I know I can achieve what I am thinking of, it's just difficult as I have only myself to talk to about these things. I wish I could have more friends like I did many years ago when I lived in Memphis. Now those were some great times and I know I can have that again, just have lost my way. I know that 2010 was the most extremely painful year I have experienced in, well forever and this has attributed to all these self worthlessness that I feel a lot. Friends where I live are very difficult to keep as they are so committed to their own lives and I guess don't need another friend or any at all. I may need to relocate to another City, just not real sure I really want to do that. I do know that I need to join a club or a group or something to hopefully be involved enough to make some new relationships that will last.  I would normally discuss all of these things with my Dad, but can't anymore, only through prayers and that is hard too. I am a very giving person and just need to find the same in others that I can call my "FRIENDS". So onward I go to work on making all the plans and goals I have be achieved and hopefully find a friend or 2 along the way.

Remember:  Follow through.

Fresh Attitude

Hello Friends!
Well the time is here and has gone by very quickly since I last visited. I finally got a job in my field and am able to work from home and have been now for 3 mos. It has been a great opportunity for me and my boys since the passing of my Dad in July. I have been able to mourn and heal all in the comfort and privacy of my home. I am so grateful to my Mom who graciously helped me save my home from auction next week. She didn't know I needed the help and I didn't want to burden her with my issues during the loss of her 54 yr companion and one true love. 
So anyway, I am so looking forward to 2011 for all the great new possibilities that can help me change the direction I am going in. This year has been very rough, I did not realize that I had 6 jobs this year ! OMG I cannot believe that. I am looking to find some real friends and be able to go do fun things like I used to. It has been way too long.
This is short, but a start, I really miss blogging and interacting with everyone. I am going to try to push myself back into it. I used to write every other day and then LIFE happened once again. I am thankful that we are able to fall and then pick ourselves up again. Yes it is very hard sometimes, but I am going to stay strong and positive.
Take care everyone and Happy New Year's to you all!

Remember:  Thinking positive will bring positive results to your life!

Family Loss

Do you really think you can get over losing a Parent? I am not sure myself. I am having a very difficult time with this. My Dad died July 3rd, 2010, 4 weeks ago today. It seems a lifetime ago while at the same time so surreal that I can't believe it yet. I don't live close like my Brother, but I was very close to my Dad. My Brother took care of him during this horrible journey. We all thought he would live as long as his Mother, 91, he didn't, he was 72. My Dad was a very healthy person. Turns out he had a brain tumor brewing, that was diagnosed officially in Feb. 2010. It happens to have been the same tumor that senator Ted Kennedy had and died from. It is a nasty thing and my Dad fought long and hard and the tumor won. It's just not fair at all. My Dad was so full of life, always had a positive impact on people and mentored many. I know he is in a better place and with his Mom and Brother, who died last July and My Grandma died July of 2006. Not sure what the "July" thing is all about, but it is kinda freaky. My Brother and cousin, both have birthdays in July and both their Dad's died a year apart. I still feel numb and was trying to make it there before his last breathe, but I didn't. I was in the air when he died. My Brother goes to visit him at the cemetery every morning and night, he said he can't help it and wished he lived further so he didn't do that, it makes him sad. I went once 3 days after he was buried and thought it would help, it really didn't. My Mom really thought she'd go first, her health is not very good at all. Not sure how to keep it going everyday. I felt so lucky to be my age and still have both of my Parents alive and now I am lost. My Dad is who I went to for all kinds of advice and knowledge about so many things. He just had to go and leave all of us to try to help ourselves better and make us stronger. I dont' want to be stronger, I truly get tired of being strong, I need someone to lean on now and then. As the weeks go by I am trying to figure it all out. I just never imagined this feeling. I don't know that time will heal my loss. I think no matter how long it's been, the pain is still there, just suppressed. I am glad that both my boys still live with me for company. I really need to find some things to do besides work. I am so happy to finally have gotten another job again. My Dad was very happy when I got this great job, I just wish like hell that I could have seen him alive one more time. I guess it was not meant for me to.
Take care everyone and don't hold grudges or get mad easily or be too hard on your kids or loved ones, you just never know what will happen from day to day.

Remember: Don't ever forget your memories, they will get you through.