Fear Not

As I prepare for Christmas and my "big" trip to SD I find myself subconsciously worrying about everything. I am afraid that while I am gone things will not work out at home like I would like them too, I am fearful of my mounting bills and how to put off the creditors for just a few weeks longer. All this worry and fear is getting in the way of my beauty rest! My brain spins while I try to sleep, kinda like the hamster in the wheel, faster and faster it goes, until I just give up, turn the TV on to try to get my mind off of all this FEAR. My friend just told me today that my young Son, Alex who is 16, told her that he did not want his Mom to worry while away, ahh isn't that sweet. That actually brought tears to my eyes, that I have obviously done something right in the raising of kids dept. He can read me and I didn't even realize that. How wonderful is that! So I do feel much better and while I was on my treadmill I told myself that everything will work out just fine, just the way it is supposed to. My fear was actually because of my great opportunity, which I am so grateful to have. We all tend to be fearful of rising to the top or taking on new responsibility or great opportunity. So we all need to just try to relax, that is hard for me sometimes, and just go with the moment, enjoy and breath....... No more fear here.

Remember: Don't be afraid of the fearful side of life.

Working again

YEAH !!! I am going to South Dakota for a contract traveling job. I leave 12-28-08. I knew my prayers would be answered sooner than later. I have never been to SD, it will be a great adventure though. My boys are happy that I can once again bring income into the house. It truly will be a wonderful Christmas for us all. I just found out a little while ago and had to share this fabulous news with my blogging family! For all of you who have had me in their thoughts and prayers, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!

Remember: Believe and you will receive

Weird and Odd

As I sit here in my "night clothes" as my oldest Son calls them, he's 24 and just got home from his night job at Target, he talks about how "weird and odd" things are. I said, " You know most of our days are weird and odd". For example, my boys are learning now about "Casper" you know the one who takes things in your home and NO ONE will fess up to it, Yea that one. Well, this weekend something of my younger Son's went missing and he knew his brother had to have taken or moved it, and it certainly wasn't me, so I said, "Well maybe Buddy or Tiger took it" ( dog and cat), he didn't think that was too funny. I told him how "Casper" had lived with us now for about 20 yrs or so, he moves with us. Our daily lives are filled with weird and odd moments that we sit and ponder and wonder about. Some of them we can fix or change and others we just have to let them be. So this weekend I started on all my Christmas decorating, I also forced myself to have a small Christmas social on the 20th. I finally feel like I am climbing up out of the abyss I have been in for several years now and how "weird and odd" for me to feel so happy and joyful when I do not have any income coming in and could lose my home and car and everything, hmm....this is where I am supposed to be anxious, stressed, crying, upset but I am not. As I have said before, I have put my situation in the hands of a higher power and I know that everything will work out just fine. I am having this party to visit with old friends and most of them are unemployed like me and we all need this to be able to laugh, which is very healthy and have a good time. This weekend I also started my recipe book, baked and cooked homemade items till my heart was content and the house is filled with happiness. So now I am under the gun to get my house in order and very christmassy, so I am off to get a shower and out of my "night clothes" and get decorating.

Remember: Experience life to the fullest, regardless of your situation

The Past

For several days now I have been frantically trying to reconnect with someone from my past, my first "real" love. I moved a lot in my teen years due to my Dad's job and I was not too happy about it. I ended up going to 3 high schools and that really upset me. When I was told we had to move AGAIN from Appleton, Wisconsin to Memphis, TN in my Junior year, I was a very miserable teen to live with. I persecuted my Parents for like15 yrs, amazing isn't it. I have gotten over it now, LOL. I had this great community of friends and a wonderful boyfriend. We were "pre-engaged", he gave me a ring with a little sand chip of a diamond, but it sure was special. Then my Parents so delicately had to break the news of the next move. Of course I was not moving. Ultimately, I did as they bribed me with anything I wanted in my room. They took my Bother and I on the house hunting trip, woo hoo! So another miserable move happened against my own free will. So my boyfriend and I stayed in touch, I hated Memphis and had zero friends. He came to visit me and I went up there and then he was so distraught that I was gone, he decided to join the service to pass the time while I was finishing high school. He came to visit on one of his leaves and presented a beautiful, wonderful large marquee cut diamond engagement ring. I was in shock and excited. I was very hesitant though that he was so far away from me, Japan, and I was not sure this long distance relationship would work. That has been one of my biggest flaws, I think way too much and over analyze every situation. One thing led to another and I broke it off. It was very difficult and we were both devastated. Well, all through these years I have always thought of him and at different times I have tried like mad to locate him. I am hoping to be able to talk to him and just maybe apologize for my youthful stupidity. It is so hard when you are 17 yrs old and everyone is telling you what to do and your heart does not really agree with any of them. I am not sure how I will find him or contact him, if I do. I have found a phone number and address that could possibly be his, but of course I am too scared to call as I don't want to disrupt his household. So I think about this day and night, I am obsessed with how to reach him. It makes me think of what my life would have been like if I would have stayed with him, as most of us do. I never like to regret the past because we aren't born with a "Life" manual that has a HELP center to contact when we just aren't sure of our decisions. It would be nice. I know that I have so much ahead of me and I just feel that if I could just talk to him again I might be able to move forward better.

Remember: Don't let the past get in the way of your future.

Stayin' pumped

Hello Friends- I know it has been over a week since I last wrote. I kind of got caught up doing so many other things. I found myself trying to get depressed and I just don't do that very well. I know so many people that can do it on command. If I don't talk to myself everyday about staying positive or knowing exactly the things I need to do that day then I will tend to fall toward the edge of the canyon. I managed to have a wonderful Thanksgiving, I cooked for 9 people and had a friend and her daughter from our "old" company that was kind to lay us off. So we all thoroughly enjoyed ourselves and everyone was happy and full. I sure hope all of you enjoyed your special family day too. I would have loved having my Parents and Brother with us, but that just was not in the cards this year. Basically I just really enjoy having people around me, it really helps be the accelerator to a happier life on a day to day basis. Now since I am on a "forced" sabbatical for an undetermined time frame, it is so important for me to try to find as many people to be around. Of course my 16 yr old Son keeps me pretty busy, he had another little tiny run in with the local law on Sunday night, it is just so hard to let them out of your sight for fear of any number of things that can happen. He is really a good kid and is trying to figure life and himself out, so I try to also keep him jazzed about what he can do with his young life. Being his Mom, of course I am a few minutes older than him and really don't know much about life either. At least he keeps me on my toes. So now my thoughts are on the next holiday, getting a tree up and lights outside. It has been so icky, rainy, snowy and brrrrr here that I'd like to just get back in my bed, throw the covers over my head till Spring. Since I can't do that I will just move onto my next task for the day. So stay warm and, like me, try to stay pumped!

Remember: There is life beyond the covers